Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
