you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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