Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
