this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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