i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
