Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize