The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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