so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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