Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
