i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
