I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
