Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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