I am puke
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
