I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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