i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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