Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
