Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
