so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
