Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
