We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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