he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did I show you my penis last night?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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