I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
