she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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