Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
