if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He did a backflip because drugs
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