Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
