In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
