Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ttyl tear gas
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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