there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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