I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
