I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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