sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
