Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
