I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
