Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
