she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
