would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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