put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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