youre lurking in front of me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
