whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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