so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
