Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
