I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
