I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
