Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
