Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
