she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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