turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
