Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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