I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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