the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
