I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize