just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
