I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
