Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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