I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Come on in and take your pants off
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