So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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