I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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