I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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