In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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