Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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