I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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