i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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