Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
