If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
