K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize