dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
