I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
