I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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