So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
