We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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