I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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