Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
