i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
