Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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