he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize