Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
